Empathy and Connection Thwart Stigma and Shame

Folks seeking help need to feel safe and validated to continue engaging in their treatment journey.

Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.
- Brene Brown

As someone in a “helping profession,” I think about connection often. From working with college students in crisis to supporting people seeking mental health treatment, I had many hard conversations with very resilient people. One piece of wisdom that I keep close to my heart found me during a suicide prevention workshop. Our group was discussing helpful skills and techniques to use when a person exhibits signs of suicidal behavior. One of the students with lived experience so courageously shared:

“when people reach out for help, it’s not the beginning of their journey. We move mountains to get to a place where we can ask for help and believe that someone will help us.”

While having the language to support someone in crisis is important, we need to remember that our response is not the essential ingredient. The connections we make with people in these moments are the keys to empowering self-confidence and continued help-seeking behavior. 

So, how do we develop these relationships in such brief and high-stakes moments? Brene Brown frames it best: “Sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy drives connection”. When having these conversations, we can’t come in with an “I’m sorry this is happening to you” mindset, but rather, we need an “I’m here with you” perspective. Substance use disorders can be extraordinarily isolating due to many forms of stigma, and we can help break that barrier through empathy and compassion. 

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Four-Step Approach to Empathy

Brown highlights four key steps when using empathy:

1. Perspective Taking.

If someone has reached out for help, or you recognize signs that someone might be struggling with addiction, put yourself in their shoes. Be vulnerable and think about a time that you were struggling and needed support.

2.    Staying out of judgment. It’s time to put your biases aside and kick out the judgment. Here’s where we can activate a “LUV” Triangle: listen, understand, and validate.

3.    Recognizing emotions someone else is feeling. You may not have lived experience with substance use disorder, and that’s okay. Being able to identify emotions in someone’s story can help us build connections.

4.    Communicating that you understand an emotion. Reflecting back our understanding is vital. We often feel safe and validated in spaces where we are understood.

Remember that when you’re engaging with someone in crisis–this is not their whole story. However, it might be the most difficult chapter they’ve encountered thus far. To support, we need to listen, learn, and be present. Folks seeking help need to feel safe and validated to continue engaging in a treatment journey. Let’s be the reason someone believes that they will receive that support. I am confident this community will produce marvelous efforts in building connections, empowering resilience, and breaking stigma.