Cognitive Dissonance and Radical Honesty

We all create stories to mitigate cognitive dissonance. But being honest with ourselves and others is critical to authenticity. It improves relationships, reduces victimhood, and aids recovery.

I’m a big fan of the Hidden Brain podcast. It’s a podcast about the psychological forces influencing our thoughts and behaviors. The concepts explored during each episode are not only fascinating but often very relevant to my work as an educator and health professional. In two recent episodes, Shankar Vedantam (the host of Hidden Brain) interviews Elliot Aronson, a social psychologist whose pioneering work helped advance our understanding of cognitive dissonance and how to use it to nudge human behavior.

We all experience cognitive dissonance when there is a mismatch between our thoughts/beliefs and our behaviors.¹ No one likes, except perhaps psychopaths, to behave in ways that are contrary to their values and beliefs. To mitigate the psychological distress created by this mismatch, we justify our behavior by formulating a rationalization. We can also experience cognitive dissonance when one set of beliefs or ideas conflicts with another set of beliefs or ideas. In these cases, we typically reject one set of ideas over another to resolve the conflict, rather than investigate how, perhaps, both ideas might be true. The goal is to reduce mental stress induced by the dissonance. I think we’ve all witnessed someone invoke a seemingly absurd excuse (and sometimes it's an outright lie) to justify their behavior. I know that I’ve been guilty of such behavior in my lifetime.

People with addictions and those living with a substance use disorder experience a great deal of cognitive dissonance. Most people who misuse substances or who engage in addictive behavior (like obsessive gambling or gaming) know, on some level, that their behavior is destructive. And yet, they continue to engage in the behavior. They want to stop, but the compulsion is very difficult to control. To mitigate this dissonance, they often deny to themselves (and others) that a problem exists. Or they minimize or rationalize the negative consequences that arise. If a family member is upset with them, “Well, she’s just uptight and boring. My drinking isn’t that bad. Everyone loves being around me." If they get fired from a job, “It was a crappy job. I didn’t want to work there. The boss was out to get me.” In essence, they begin to construct a world of lies to reduce the psychological distress. But these justifications and lies don’t address the underlying cause. Indeed, it only amplifies the dissonance, leading to more lies and rationalizations.

And this is when radical honesty is useful. Frankly, we’d all benefit from more honesty in our lives, but for the person with an addiction, radical honesty is a cornerstone of recovery. Telling the truth can be painful. We learn the (short-term) benefits of lying at a very young age. We lie for all sorts of reasons, but preserving our sense of self, covering up undesirable behaviors, and avoiding conflict are common reasons we resort to deception. But lying only leads to shame and isolation … and enables an addiction. Radical honesty, telling the truth about things large and small, is about being truthful with ourselves (most importantly) and others.

We cannot get out of the cycle of destructive shame that fuels addiction until we stop lying and start being who we really are.

Anna Lembke, MD, Professor of Psychiatry, Stanford University School of Medicine and Chief, Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic

Complete honesty requires us to express an accurate description of what we perceive, feel, and believe. To withhold or manipulate information to preserve our self-image or avoid confrontation is inconsistent with radical honesty. For the person with an addiction (but frankly, it can happen to any of us), one deception leads to another, and the lies become easier and easier. Eventually, lying becomes a habit and we begin to believe the lies. Our life (as we understand it) becomes a false narrative. Awareness of and acknowledging our lies is a critical first step. By honestly describing our behaviors - by telling a friend, confessing to a priest, writing in a journal, or admitting our behavior to a therapist (or a therapy group) - we create the opportunity to change and master the behavior.

People with an addiction often act with limited awareness of their actions, automatically and compulsively. By bringing awareness to the behavior and describing it accurately, honesty enables people to regain control. This is why truth-telling, admitting wrongs, and making amends is such a key step in 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Honesty promotes greater intimacy in our relationships. Telling the truth can be risky and makes us feel vulnerable. We fear that people will shun us if we admit to our transgressions. But instead of driving people away, we are all naturally drawn to those willing to admit their foibles and fallibility. And bonding with other people releases dopamine and oxytocin, reducing the need for a substance (or gambling or gaming) to fill the void. Dishonesty, on the other hand, fuels a cycle of loneliness, isolation, and addiction. And compulsive consumption (drugs, social media, cookies, sex) crowds out the opportunity for attachment to others.

Truthfulness is essential for accountability. When we are truthful (with ourselves) about our lived experiences, it helps us to take responsibility for our role in shaping our future. People who see themselves as victims of their circumstances are unlikely to take actions that will lead to recovery. Victimhood is all too common in our society. What has happened to us is not our fault! Victims believe that others must create solutions to address their suffering. Those who can honestly acknowledge their contributions to their current circumstances are taking responsibility for their actions and are more likely to take action. This is not to say that there are no victims in this world and that people have not experienced grave traumas. But victimhood is a state of being that traps people. Those stuck in victimhood can’t move on and improve their future circumstances. Ultimately, we are all responsible for our thoughts and actions. Indeed, they are the only things within our control.

While truthfulness is essential, recovery requires lots and lots of support and positive reinforcement.² Recovering from addiction is incredibly challenging (and we’ll explain why in a future post)! The compulsions will not magically disappear simply because someone faces the truth. As health professionals, we should celebrate and acknowledge people for their courage to seek help.

Here is a short video about The Power of Radical Honesty by Anna Lembke, MD. You may not have an addiction, but to achieve a life well lived, constructing an honest narrative of your thoughts, behaviors, and circumstances is essential.

1. Cooper J. Cognitive dissonance: where we’ve been and where we’re going. International Rev Social Psych 2019; 31(1): 1-11.

2. Best DW, Lubman DI. The recovery paradigm: A model of hope and change for alcohol and drug addiction. Australian Fam Physician 2012; 41 (8): 293-297.